Oldschool Hard

I usually got to see this about 50 times a match, 0.1 seconds before waiting to respawn.

My first post to Bitmob made the front page a few weeks ago. It’s about the coming changes to raiding in the next WoW expansion, Cataclysm. If you’re interested, you can check it out over here.

Also, for a fun little retro gaming mashup, check out Super Mario Crossover.

Work is nearly finished on my thesis, with a week left before I hand it in. No fabulous job offer has presented itself, tickets have been purchased, and in just under two weeks I move halfway across the world with a suitcase, a laptop, and a guitar. I ultimately made the decision to take my PS3, DS, PC and 360 games with me, and not sell my PS2 games. It’s keeping a foot in two camps, I guess, but whether or not I decide to stay or come back, I figure that my PS2 collection is essentially worth as little as it’s ever going to be worth, and I can sell it on a later visit back, should I need to, or it’s there for me if I come running back with my tail between my legs.

I’ve been reading, even if I haven’t been writing, and I found one particular article to strike a chord. Here is an admission of guilt within, rather than about, videogames.

My own admission: Well, I’ve thrown my controller a few times before in frustration, but I’ve already mentioned that. The general tone of this blog probably indicates that I’m prone to being a tad surly at times, so that should come as no real surprise.

A deeper admission, for someone who complains so much about what games should and shouldn’t be and thus likes to portray himself as a switched-on gamer: I’m terrible at multiplayer gaming.

WoW? Well, not WoW. I’m not the best but I’m in the upper half. PvE WoW is easy. Do some maths or read someone else’s maths so you gear correctly, don’t stand in the fire, watch the cast bar, hit the right buttons. PvP WoW is rock paper scissors, pick your battles and you’ll probably win. Other types of games, though, well…

Generally, it’s the speed of the game that gets me.

RTS? I build too slowly, try and get massively fortified, and end up getting rushed and stomped very quickly with my fortifications half-done.

FPS? I panic when someone starts shooting at me and when I fire back my shots tend to go everywhere but where they should. I can do reasonably well with an AoE class like the Pyro in Team Fortress 2, where I don’t have to be dead-on with my shots, and I’m adept at not dying when I play a support class, like someone repairing, doling out ammo, or chucking healthpacks around, but by genre definition, the games are shooters, and I fail at that part. I’m especially bad at the fastest-paced games, and vividly recall the thrashings I got when Quake 3 came out. In single player FPS, I can hide, take my time, rely on the predictability of the AI, and think about things. I don’t have that luxury in multiplayer FPS. The same problems also largely apply to me and third-person multiplayer games. Shit, even when I played on various MUDs, MUSHes, and MOOs, I’d panic during combat and not be able to type quickly enough half the time.

Sports games? I lack the aftertouch finesse, reflexes and, in most sports, tactical awareness needed.

I can’t think of any other common multiplayer genres at the moment, but it’s a good bet I suck at them, too. I generally need time to consider what I’m going to do, and other people don’t, it’s that simple. Me fail gaming? That’s unpossible!

Image from Unreality Magazine.

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I am on the road crew. This is my stop sign.

Happy birthday, Psychonauts. Today you are 5, and if you got through kindy ok, played nicely with the other children, showed appropriate motor-skill development, and did not set anyone on fire with your psychokinetic abilities, you should just be settling into your first year of school.

My, they grow up so fast, don’t they?

Now, I can understand why people don’t quite get what a special little person you are. Your charms are not necessarily immediately apparent. Quite frankly, you are not aging well, looks-wise, even at the tender age of 5. You have good bone structure, but a new haircut wouldn’t hurt, and the best of your personality only comes out after some time spent with you. However, among other heartwarming moments, the way you traipse through that city and your wonderful friendship with the Milkman show you truly are a special individual, and if only people would give you a chance, they would see the care put into your upbringing. More people should spend an evening in your company, especially now that you make such small demands on their wallet.

Yes, yes, you can start opening your presents. But please stop trying to enter my mind, and for the love of Jebus, you need more control before you start trying to light the candles on your cake with your powers. There’s only so much scorched buttercream I can take the smell of…

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In more current news, hol-eeeee shit, Blizzard has made, by estimates, somewhere in the realm of $3-5 million USD from ethereal sparklehorsies. They couldn’t make money more easily if they became an outpost of the mint. As for me, I’m gonna hold off until the /mountspecial is changed to shitting rainbows, thanks.

Annnnnd, we’re having that ‘are games art?’ hand-wringing competition again, are we? Oh, joy. This is such a useful conversation to have, because, without fail, it always changes the minds of those criticising games, and doesn’t look at all painfully insecure.

Yeah, most games probably don’t approach ‘art’, just as Hot Tub Time Machine is never going to be used as an example of the singular artistic vision of a cinematic auteur. It’s entertainment. ‘Games are not art’ does not have to be extrapolated to ‘games have no value/legitimacy’ every time. Games are usually fun. That’s enough. However, once again we (as gamers) rise to the bait like a dolphin at Sea World. Well, maybe with slightly more or less chattering, but to the untrained eye I imagine it looks quite similar.

Roger Ebert doesn’t get it, what a surprise. News at 11, old man doesn’t understand technology/a medium that rose to popularity after his own youth! It’s just like my grandpa using ‘back in my day…’ to rail against anything he doesn’t understand, without actually judging it on its own terms. Fuggedaboudit. For more, refer to my prior comments about seeking validation from those who are in no position to give it.

Image from Double Fine’s official site.

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OMFG EDITUR PC GAMING IZ DYING, CONSOLEZ ARE EVERYWHAR, HALP?!

I’ve been reading the first few issues of the new Australian version of Game Informer magazine, and so far I like most of what I see. Some of the content comes from the US parent magazine (I recognise the names of some of the writers), but content from both sides of the Pacific seems to fit together well, without any glaring mistakes that come to mind (*cough*Atomic buying content from Custom PC, pulling out reviews for items that aren’t sold here, but leaving reference to the pulled items in other items in the feature – again, I recognise the writers*cough* (Although to be fair, Atomic seems to run on the smell of an oily rag, I don’t think they have a dedicated sub/copy-ed, and if they’re looking for one, I’m available with a reasonable salary request, and I promise I won’t leave parentheses nested in other parentheses in the magazine…)). I can’t say exactly how much content comes from the US, because there’s only a certain number of magazines I can afford to pay import pricing for, and the US Game Informer is not on top of my priority list, not that I recall seeing it very often anyway, except maybe in Borders, which always feels vaguely wrong to shop in, no matter how wide the selection.

On the note of import pricing, I especially like what the Aussie Game Informer has done with their price and design. The newsstand price is aggressive, the subscription price very aggressive in a market that tends not to do very aggressive subscription pricing (lo, I see the US $10/yr Wired subscription offer, and I weep), and the covers are more like the uncluttered design of a typical ‘subscriber’s edition’, not like a typical newsstand cover with a million lines of clutter.

I love magazines. I love to read – I’m not against iPads, Kindles, Slates, JooJoos, or anything like that, but I love the smell of a magazine, the feel of it, the way I can slip one into a bag and if it gets a bit creased, it doesn’t matter. Neither is inherently superior, they’re both just different ways of getting to the same thing – the written word.

What do I read, gaming-wise? Every month: Retro Gamer and any specials they put out, Atomic.
Most of the time: PC Powerplay, US PC Gamer.
Sometimes, depending on if there’s a good feature: Hyper, Edge, Maximum PC.
Never: Any non-PC single format magazine.
Every month so far but we’ll see what happens: Game Informer.

Used to: EGM (dead), Nintendo Power (I grew up), Gamepro (grew up, Grandma stopped subscribing for me), Custom PC (most content I want to read is syndicated in Atomic anyway), Mean Machines (dead), C+VG (also dead, but probably another example of ‘I grew up’).

Outside of gaming I mostly read Wired, except when there’s one copy left and it’s all chewed up. I’m anal about my magazines, and if anyone’s going to dog-ear them, it’s going to be me. I read a lot of books. Occasionally I read car magazines like Motor, Top Gear and Performance BMW (yes, I own a BMW, no, it would not be described as ‘performance’, and being 21 years old and well used, would barely stretch to ‘luxury’ anymore, either), or music and guitar magazines (mostly if Neil Young is on the cover) like Guitar World and Rolling Stone, although the older I get, the less interesting I find rockstar behaviour. Sometimes I’ll read literary magazines if someone I know or have an interest in has a story in there, and very occasionally I’ll read a current affairs magazine, but as political discourse gets more and more hysterical…and I’m completely getting off point.

Ignoring my tangent on what a bunch of people tell you will be gone soon anyway (‘Print is dead, man…’), the point I wanted to get to, even though it will probably make up the minority of this post, is the content of some of the letters in games magazines, not exclusive to Game Informer at all, but brought to the forefront of my attention in there. Even though a magazine’s letters page is far more civil than the crap in most internet forums (I love you fanboys, don’t ever change), I see the same boring, circular arguments every month. Here is but a small selection:

- PC gaming is dying/not dying. PC gaming will never die as long as PCs exist. It will ebb and flow as to what is popular, and how good a value a gaming PC is as compared to what a console can offer at any given point. But as long as PCs exist to do your tax, look at pr0n, or whatever else, there will be games on them.

- Australia needs an R18+ rating for games. Yes, it does. We know that thanks to the way the law works, one guy is cockblocking it. Acting like children towards him just reinforces his ideas in his mind. Eventually the law will change. Be patient.

- Will PS3 outsell XBox 360? Probably, eventually. Does it matter? Play on what you prefer. They’re both above 30 million sales at the moment, which is hardly what I’d call a failure for either. If it’s a multi-format title, my preference is for 360, for the IMO better multiplayer setup, a controller I find more comfortable, and, yes, achievement points. Often 360 versions of games have played smoother/looked better, too, although these days as the developers get a handle on the PS3 it seems to be much of a muchness. It doesn’t really matter. I own both; it’s not the days of ‘Sega do what Nintendon’t’ anymore.

- How can I get into the games industry? Don’t. If you’re a coder, go make database software or something similarly prosaic. You’ll get paid more and work less hours. If you’re an artist or an animator, go work in/for Hollywood. The hours are similarly stupid but you get paid better. If you’re a writer, that alone is not enough to work on games, and if you want to write about games, there’s not many paid positions to do it. You’re better off working in PR or marketing somewhere, writing copy about breakfast cereal. You’ll hate yourself, but you’ll hate yourself in a BMW and a nice suit. Shit, go write for Harlequin if you really want to be a writer, you can churn those out and live very comfortably.

Very occasionally, people love their jobs. You are unlikely to be one of those people. By taking a job that doesn’t have much in common with your hobbies, it just makes your hobbies more enjoyable. In this blog I write about gaming’s problems, and I think a large number of them stem from game makers living in a bubble – working ridiculous hours to make ridiculous deadlines means that they don’t get to play many other games. I know if I was in that situation, the last thing I’d want to do to unwind in the little time I have is to play with what I’ve been working on all day. So, yeah, entering the games industry, don’t.

Anyway, so it goes on, every month, repeat ad nauseum. In the letters pages, the comments on webpages, forums…wasting time that could be spent doing something useful or at least fun, like actually gaming. Not to say talking about gaming can’t be fun, or interesting, or useful. But all this fades pretty quickly when the same points keep being revisited. Sometimes I think this is why gaming turds can be continually dropped – sure, there’ll be a little debate and some complaints about Shovelware 2: Electric Boogaloo for a while, but then the room goes quiet, and someone coughs, and then it’s back to a discussion about whether PC gaming is dying or not…

Image from The Stranger.

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Now this is a REAL “holiday season” game.

In the latest in a long line of excuses for my laziness, this time my absence from posting is mostly to do with a wedding. No, not my wedding – deity knows that’s a long way off, if ever. No, instead I get to play best man – paying lots of money for a suit I’ll probably wear once, dealing with frayed nerves and delicate sensibilities, trying to deal with the fallout of the bucks night (see: delicate sensibilities) and being subject to the whims of a certain someone in a dress. It has a lot of the same aspects as what the groom has to deal with only it costs me just a little bit less, and at the end I don’t get to fuck the bride. One more week to go, and then over a year of having to hear about every aspect of the planning for the wedding is done. Hoorah. Queue the veiled jabs in the speech.

In news more relevant to this blog, going to Blizzcon in 2007 is the gift that keeps on giving, because a couple of weeks ago I received a beta key for Starcraft 2. I wasn’t really into the first one very much, and I have made comments about my ambivalence about RTS before, but having had a think about it, and considering that I enjoyed Warcraft 2 back in the day, and Company of Heroes, World in Conflict, and the small parts of the two Dawn of War games that I’ve played, I guess that’s not really true. I couldn’t get through Warcraft 3, and it’s fair to say that I suck at RTSes, but the good ones still do something for me.

Of course, I had to boast about it on twitter, and it took less than 5 minutes before I had a bunch of ‘OMG, WHAT DO U WNT 4 DA KEY!?’ from a bunch of people I didn’t know. Ah, the internet, it’s magic.

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On another note, you may have seen the case of my stupid fellow countryman who bought a copy of New Super Mario Bros. Wii a week before the official release date and then boasted about it on the internet, not by posting photos of himself with the game, but instead by uploading it to the internet in a way that led easily back to him. The end result was a $1.5 million AUD settlement with Nintendo (should’ve got a better lawyer, amirite?) I think he got what was coming to him – a stupidity tax, more or less. I think the amount announced is probably largely meant to set an example, and I doubt that he’ll have to pay back anywhere near that much. Nintendo, to complete the image of being the evil empire, have also announced they’re going to release a black Wii – WTB a faux-woodgrain PS3 chunky.

Although an incidental detail to the main story, I found there was something interesting in how he received the game – a store sold it to him a week before the ‘official’ release date. To me, this is another example of the stage-managed nature of the hype machine that largely surrounds games these days. If stores have stock of a game, why is there an embargo made to prevent them selling it? What possible harm can there be for someone to buy a game as soon as a store receives stock? It’s obviously supposed to be a complete product at that stage, or it shouldn’t be sold at all. But then this is just one example of the ridiculousness of the typical yearly release schedule. “People are affecting our sales by, um, buying our games…”?

This year, to be fair, has had a fairly good amount of games released through the first couple of months, with a few big names like Mass Effect 2 and Bioshock 2, but this is not usually the case – a large number of games usually get released in a glut around “holiday season”, the specific holiday being, of course, Christmas. Then it’s often a pretty barren landscape until around April, with a few months of games popping up before the northern summer leads to a bit of a wasteland again, and then the industry ramps up towards the next holiday season.

I suppose when you work off a pile like I do, exactly when the games are released doesn’t matter too much, but I can’t help but to think how many games are lost in the shuffle when there’s a release glut, that could have their chance to shine if given a release window with little competition.

Image snagged from Kotaku.

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